As the New Year approaches, goals are everywhere.
For many people, this period is quite stressful. We see and read summaries of achievements from our friends, acquaintances, and social media followers, and inevitably, we compare ourselves.
“How did someone manage to (insert what), and I didn’t?”
Even if surviving the year is an achievement in itself—especially if we faced difficult, unexpected circumstances—we cannot help but wonder: Does not achieving everything we planned mean we are failures or incapable?
Or do we not know how to set goals properly? Do we struggle with planning and execution? Or is something missing? Maybe there is some methodology that guarantees results that we just haven’t heard of.
I don’t have a magical formula, a secret methodology, or a course on setting goals that guarantees success.
This text is for all of you (us) who find this process stressful because we’ve been told that it must be done in a certain way.
What Have We Learned Wrong About Setting Goals?
It has to be SMART
One of the first goal-setting courses I attended taught me that a goal must be:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Time-bound
This formula is useful in some situations, but it doesn’t apply to everything. Not everything can be measured or time-limited. The biggest flaw of this formula is that it doesn’t take emotions into account.
A typical example: I want to lose 5kg in the next three months.
If you ask me, a better goal—though not strictly SMART—would be: I want to learn how to eat healthily and maintain a weight between X and Y kg while feeling good, healthy, and fit.
It Has to Be More Ambitious, Bigger, and Higher Than the Last One
Life has many layers, levels, and aspects. We can’t always push forward in every area at the same time. Sometimes, one part of our life needs to be paused or even taken a step back so another can thrive.
A completely valid goal can be to work less, to have fewer clients, or to work fewer hours—but on projects where you can make a greater impact or that align better with your values and purpose.
It Has to Align with Your Age
Or rather, with what society expects you to be doing at a certain age. It must follow a predetermined order:
First, finish college → then get a job → then get married → then have children.
You must watch out for questions like: “You’re not seriously planning to (insert your ‘unconventional’ goal) now, are you?”
You Must Know How to Achieve the Goal
Once you set a goal, you must plan exactly how to get there—otherwise, setting it is pointless.
The truth is, we’re often more confused than certain about how to reach our goals.
What’s far more important is knowing where we want to go and staying open to the path revealing itself along the way.
Example: After leaving the corporate world, my goal was to have flexible working hours, to work from anywhere, to have unlimited vacation days, to earn more than I spend (so I could save every month), to work 4-5 hours a day on average, to have freedom in my work (as opposed to micromanagement and control), to do what I love and enjoy, and to work with inspiring people I get along with and can learn from.
At the time, all of this seemed more like a dream than a real goal.
I had no idea how to get there or where to find such a job. So, I created one. I didn’t know how I would do it in advance. But I knew exactly how I wanted to live.
You Must Stick to the Goal and Achieve It, or You’re a Failure
Circumstances change constantly, and it’s completely okay to modify a goal, change your mind, or give up on something that no longer feels right—or if the price you’d have to pay for it is too high.
Sometimes, quitting is a relief because it opens up space for something better suited to us.
Example: I once wanted to complete a master’s degree abroad. I applied to a prestigious university in the UK and sought a full scholarship. After a long process that required effort and passing certain exams, I was accepted into the program—but I didn’t get the scholarship.
I deferred my admission to try again for the scholarship the following year. In the meantime, I realized that my real desire was to live abroad for a while, not necessarily to obtain a master’s degree. In fact, getting a master’s degree was more of an ego-driven goal than something my soul truly wanted. So, I decided not to reapply.
From Stress to Inspiration: Goals as a Guide, Not a Burden
Instead of following strict rules, methodologies, and strategies, we should follow ourselves and turn inward.
So, when setting goals, ask yourself:
Is this goal coming from my ego or my soul?
Do I truly want this, or do I just think it will be good for my ego—because others will see that I achieved/did it?
For example:
Do I want to complete a master’s/PhD because it sounds impressive, or do I genuinely want to contribute to research and believe it will improve my career and income? What exactly do I expect to gain from it?
Is this goal truly mine?
Or is it something I’ve been told my whole life that I should want? Am I being pressured by society, my environment, or my parents?
For example:
Do I want children because I truly feel that desire, or because I’ve always been told that having kids is the only way to be fulfilled and happier? (Hint: Your happiness isn’t really yours if it’s based only on external validation.)
Why is this goal important to me?
What will I gain when I achieve it? What is the true outcome of the goal? Why do I want it now? Why is now the right time?
This will help you understand your motivation and determine whether your goal comes from your heart or your ego.
Visualize It Clearly and Feel It
How does your life—or the specific area of life your goal relates to—look? Who is around you? What are you doing? How are you living?
How do you feel (when you already have what you desire)?
Feelings matter because they keep us in the right state and guide us toward where we need to go.
Anything you want is possible.
There is no single right way to set goals
Goals are powerful. They become even more so when we put them on paper and revisit them—they become our map and guide to where we want to go.
Many people dislike or avoid this process because, deep down, they fear failure—especially if a goal is too rigid and they follow all the “instructions” to set it as ambitious as possible.
So, don’t let goals become a burden and a source of stress. Instead, let them inspire you.
Listen to yourself and trust your feelings.
If a goal doesn’t excite you or doesn’t feel right, it’s not yours—or it’s not the right time for it.
If you change your mind, cross it out and write a new one.
You are the author of your own life.
